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Jamesinashby

LET'S HAVE A LAUGH THREAD jokes, funny happenings in your life, taking the Mickey out of our rivals.

Started by Jamesinashby,

37 posts in this topic

Bill and his wife went to the Air Show every year. Every year Bill would say to his wife, 'I'd like to ride in a helicopter." She always replied, "The helicopter ride costs fifty quid and Fifty quid is fifty quid."

One year Bill said, "Look, I'm seventy five, if I don't ride in the helicopter, I may never get the chance." She replied, "That ride is fifty quid and Fifty quid is fifty quid."

The pilot overhead their conversation and said, Folks, I'll make a deal with you. I'll take take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word, I won't charge you a penny. But if you say one word it'll cost you fifty quid. "

They agreed and up they went. The pilot did all sorts of fancy manoeuvres , but not a sound was heard. So he did his dare devil tricks, bit still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By Golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out but you didn't."

Bill replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when the wife fell out, But fifty quid is fifty quid!"

COYS

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2 hours ago, Jamesinashby said:

Bill and his wife went to the Air Show every year. Every year Bill would say to his wife, 'I'd like to ride in a helicopter." She always replied, "The helicopter ride costs fifty quid and Fifty quid is fifty quid."

One year Bill said, "Look, I'm seventy five, if I don't ride in the helicopter, I may never get the chance." She replied, "That ride is fifty quid and Fifty quid is fifty quid."

The pilot overhead their conversation and said, Folks, I'll make a deal with you. I'll take take both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word, I won't charge you a penny. But if you say one word it'll cost you fifty quid. "

They agreed and up they went. The pilot did all sorts of fancy manoeuvres , but not a sound was heard. So he did his dare devil tricks, bit still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By Golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out but you didn't."

Bill replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when the wife fell out, But fifty quid is fifty quid!"

COYS

Just so all the tumbleweeds don't blow your way James..............

Man walks into a bakers and asked the woman behind the counter for a wasp!

We don't sell wasps replies the confused woman!

Well you have got one in your window counters the man!!

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LETS ALL LAUGH AT CHELSEA?

Conte falls out with Costa,

Costa tries to engineer a move to China.

Conte informs Costa by text he is no longer part of his plans.

Chelsea lose their opening home match to Burnley who only won once away from home last season.

The man management skills of MP and Conte are worlds apart   lol

COYS

 

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A four-ball of guys were waiting at the men’s tee while four women were hitting from the women’s tee.

It was a fine spring day and the ladies were not rushing.

 

When the final woman had her ball teed up she hacked it about ten feet.  Calmly, she walked over to it and addressed it again.  This time she whiffed it completely.  Taking a third try at it she hacked it another ten feet and finally on her fourth swing she whacked it an additional five feet.

 

At this point she looked up at the men who were patiently waiting and said apologetically,

 

“I guess all those fucking lessons I took over the winter didn’t help at all.”

To which one of the men immediately responded, "Well, there you have it.  You should have taken golf lessons instead”

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What is a Civil Servant's favourite day of the week? 

Tuesday as there is no point starting anything new so close before the weekend.   LOL

COYS

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Today I ran from a ticket collector. He chased me half way through the train. When he finally caught me he wasn't very amused to find that I already had a ticket.  LOL

COYS

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An Intelligence Test For You.

READ THIS OUT LOUD.

This is this cat

This is is cat.

This is how cat.

This is to cat.

This is keep cat.

This is an cat.

This is idiot cat.

This is busy cat.

This is for cat.

This is forty cat.

This is seconds cat.

Now go back and only read the third word in each line from start to finish.

DID YOU PASS?

COYS

 

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Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive,
double-pane, energy-efficient kind.

Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. The caller
complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still
hadn't paid for them.

Helloooo,..... just because I'm a Senior Citizen doesn't mean that I
am automatically mentally challenged.

So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year
--that these windows would pay for themselves in a year---

Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for,   I told him.

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up.
He never called back.  I bet he felt like an idiot.
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In hindsight my Facebook posting should have read, "I've just blown my head gasket on my XR3i." and not put,"I've just buggered a 14 year old Escort." 

The police still haven't seen the funny side, my laptop's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mother.

COYS

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It's such a shame that Cinderella didn't make the grade when taken on by Chelsea. But let's face it, she never stood a chance as the coach there is a pumpkin.   LOL

COYS

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Well done Spain 8-0 win ..... I have to say that I was not surprised when I saw that David Brent was in goal for the oppo,,,,,

21433174_1431018383649265_7849110260563042809_n.jpg

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On 10/09/2017 at 4:10 PM, stanmac said:

She won the Miss South Coast contest 2016

 

On 10/09/2017 at 0:21 PM, hastingsyid said:

kin hell

 

 

23533c917bf0370c53c95a73deca3216.jpg?v=1

Blimey Neil Ruddock's put on a bit of timber..........

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